The Science of Opposites

The science of opposites where we aim to explore the opposite of every noun in the English language.

Nouns don't tend to have opposites - words like knife, pen, house, car and phone are somehow more complete when you find their logical partner.

Register and play your part in solving one of language's great mysteries. If we all do 1 noun each, we'll have this finished in no time.

About Opposites

Some people think the opposite of knife is fork but we don't subscribe to this view.

Just because something is spatially opposite at a dinner setting doesn't mean that its an opposite. The purpose of a knife is to cut. The opposite of knife is therefore glue.

To define the opposite of a noun, you first distill its function. Then, find the opposite function (since verbs tend to have opposites!).

Finally, find a noun that fulfills this function.

This is a relatively new branch of science and opposology laws are emerging at an alarming rate.

The purpose of this site is to allow people around the world to deposit nouns and work together to find their opposites.

All you need to do is register and you can help with our quest to find an opposite for every noun in the English language.

abacus

an oblong frame with rows of wires or grooves along which beads are slid, used for calculating.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Base
0
No votes yet
 

Infamy

1. Evil fame or reputation.
2. The condition of being infamous.
3. An evil or criminal act that is publicly known.

0
No votes yet
 

Birth

To produce life inside the womb.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Abortion
0
No votes yet
 

Storm

Storms have shaped the world as we know it today, quite literally. A storm may be the salvation of a harvest or may be responsible for wiping out a river and causes multitudes of deaths. Does that make it a prime opposite, to give life and take it away? I do not know.

0
No votes yet
 

Catholic anarchist

To bring down the head of state of the UK and several other Commonwealth countries, as well as opposing the Church of England.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Queen Elizabeth II
0
No votes yet
 

Aardwolf

Member of the hyena family that feeds on ants and termites

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ant Farmer
0
No votes yet
 

Angry Dentist

A sour and bitter dental technician, quite what he is so bitter about is unclear.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Toffee
0
No votes yet
 

Hair

To cover up your head and keep it warm.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ice Hat
0
No votes yet
 

Tonguedio

To provide an taste-based representation of something.

The tonguedio, a portmanteau of "Tongue" and "Radio" works by the taster sticking their face into the "Speaker" which consists of a device which injects food and drink into the mouth.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Book
opposite: 
Braille
opposite: 
Picture
opposite: 
Smellovision
opposite: 
Song
2
Average: 2 (1 vote)
 

Lilliputian

A very small person or being.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Behemoth
1
Average: 1 (1 vote)
 

Radio

To disseminate audio information across long distances.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Sound vacuum machine
0
No votes yet
 

Rugby-Ball

A small fun object that is passed about by friends for enjoyment.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
A-Bomb
2.5
Average: 2.5 (2 votes)
 

Fox

To steal chickens.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Egg
0
No votes yet
 

Insect dungeon

A place to get stressed and tolerate nature inside your own house.

An insect dungeon is a small darkened room containing free roaming insects. A light occasionally flashes for upto 2 seconds to show occupants where the insects are.

It is also possible to have Snake, Bat, Wolf and Bear dungeons.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Garden
0
No votes yet
 

iPod

A means of storing hundreds of your favourite songs so that you can listen to them wherever you go on.

Also, a squar(ish) thing for keeping all of your music on.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Piped Music
opposite: 
Compact Disc
0
No votes yet
 

Sprinkler

mechanical device that attaches to a garden hose for watering lawn or garden

0
No votes yet
 

Egg

To provide chickens.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Fox
0
No votes yet
 

Claw Hammer

A claw hammer is a tool primarily used for pounding nails into, or extricating nails from, some other object.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Claw Hammer
0
No votes yet
 

Mouse

Computer Mouse: to control the cursor on a computer display.

0
No votes yet
 

Spoon

To move liquid from bowl to mouth.

Or, to move liquid from mouth to bowl.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Spoon
0
No votes yet
 

Evaporation

Evaporation changes a liquid to a gas. It's what takes water up from the ocean and makes it usable as it rains back down upon us.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

Glasses

Glasses or spectacles, are frames bearing lenses worn in front of the eyes, normally for vision correction.

Also may mean eye apparel that can make someone look more intelligent.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Eye Patch
0
No votes yet
 

Train

To get passengers from A to B.

Or, from B to A again.

A return train ticket is empirical evidence that prime opposites exist.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Train
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Wine

A grape derivative that when consumed makes you feel woozy.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Grapefruit Juice
0
No votes yet
 

Gravy

A liquid made from animal stock used to make meat taste nicer.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Poo
0
No votes yet
 

Autopsy

To see through human flesh in order to see the insides such as bones by cutting open the body.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
X-ray
0
No votes yet
 

Scanner

Used to convert physical paper documents into on-screen computer documents.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Printer
0
No votes yet
 

Toilet

A modern fixture primarily intended for the hygienic disposal of the bodily waste.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Window
0
No votes yet
 

Bribe

Money given as imbursement of illegitimate business activity.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Expenses
0
No votes yet
 

dogshit

a mound of excrement produced by dogs

Opposites identified
opposite: 
catpiss
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

caffiene

a substance used to create stimulation usually in the form of tea, coffee or coke

Opposites identified
opposite: 
crap sex
0
No votes yet
 

Sweet Shop

Something with scales that makes small children happy.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Reptile
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Mobile Phone Charger

This is a prime noun. A charger fills a phone up with charge. But simultainiously when not charging a phone it is draining electricity. Thus not usefully dispersing energy but wasting.

0
No votes yet
 

Deodorant

A mist or gel used to make people smell nice and to prevent them from emitting foul odours.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Fart Spray
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Hallucinogenic Drugs

To ensure that people live their lives in a state of uncontrolled chaos, not knowing whether it is bedtime, tea time or toilet time.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Clock
0
No votes yet
 

Ticket

An object that, if possessed, will permit entry to a venue (such as a prestigious club)

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Tie
0
No votes yet
 

Old People

To make it slow and inconvenient for people to do things such as buy things or hold simple conversations. Old people tend to get in your way when you are shopping and ask you to repeat things again and again and again.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Internet
4.5
Average: 4.5 (2 votes)
 

Human Body Filler

A substance used to fill holes in people's bodies.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Gun
0
No votes yet
 

Encyclopaedia Britannica

To provide information at a cost.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Wikipedia
0
No votes yet
 

X-ray

To see through human flesh so that you can see the bones, without having to cut open a body.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Autopsy
0
No votes yet
 

Abortion

To destroy life inside the womb.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Birth
0
No votes yet
 

Picture

To provide a visual representation of something.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Book
opposite: 
Braille
opposite: 
Smellovision
opposite: 
Song
opposite: 
Tonguedio
0
No votes yet
 

Clock

A device to ensure that people can live their lives in an orderly and structured manner by providing them with a basis upon which they can measure the time between events.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Hallucinogenic Drugs
0
No votes yet
 

Volcano

A volcano is a large, solid formation of earth of typically conical shape which spews out hot, liquid rock from the center of the earth.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Blizzard
0
No votes yet
 

Smellovision

To provide an odor-based representation of something.

Also spelt as smell-o-vision.

Marked as "Real" as a version of it did exist in 1960.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smell-O-Vision

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Book
opposite: 
Braille
opposite: 
Picture
opposite: 
Song
opposite: 
Tonguedio
0
No votes yet
 

Laptop

Electronic device which, as the name suggests, sits on your lap and provides information, communication and porn.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Santa
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

Pie

An edible enclosure for liquid and solid foods that makes them more convenient to eat.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Tupperware
0
No votes yet
 

Santa

syn. Father Christmas, Chris Cringle, St. Nick etc

A fat, old and generous man who allows children to sit on his lap and give him information and communication. But not porn.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Laptop
0
No votes yet
 

Porsche

An aspirational appendage that ambitious men aspire to before they are 30 years old, usually because it increases their chances of getting a girlfriend.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Bald Head
0
No votes yet
 

Grapefruit Juice

A grape derivative that when consumed makes you feel instantly awake (albeit with jangling teeth and a bitter taste in your mouth).

P.S. I'm sure that Grapes and Grapefruit belong the the same family - hence the same 'surname'

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Wine
0
No votes yet
 

Mirror

Allow people to see their reflection to that they can improve their pereception of their looks.

Opposites identified
3
Average: 3 (1 vote)
 

calculator

Hand-held device into which the innumerate may input numbers and operators in order to be provided with an answer without the worry, or even a basic understanding of, the process by which it was calculated.

0
No votes yet
 

Sails

(Nautical) Fabric fitted to the rigging of a ship so as to convert the force of the wind into forward motion of the vessel.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Anchor
0
No votes yet
 

oxygen

to aid living organisums to breath

1
Average: 1 (1 vote)
 

Guide Dogs

To make it safe for blind people to perform everyday activities.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Roller Skates
opposite: 
Ear Defenders
0
No votes yet
 

Time

Time makes things dirty. If you leave something alone, it will get dirty. If you use something, it will get dirty. If you clean something, etc., etc..

Opposites identified
opposite: 
soap
0
No votes yet
 

Sound vacuum machine

To extract audio information from an environment in the immediate vicinity.

The machine itself makes no noise or sucks up its own noise.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Radio
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

USB Memory Stick

Something small and convenient to store information on, thus keeping it safe and allowing it to be transported from place to place.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Elephant
0
No votes yet
 

Banana

A raw fruit, encased within a easily removable peel usually enjoyed whole.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Sausage
0
No votes yet
 

Remembrance Day

For people to come together for a day, in the somber act of remembering those who gave their lives for us in the field of conflict.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
April Fool's Day
3
Average: 3 (1 vote)
 

Powerpoint

To help you do professional presentations at work.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Whisky
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Radiator

A heating device that radiates heat into the surrounding space.

3
Average: 3 (1 vote)
 

Dave Gorman

To create enjoyment through humour based on:

1. travel
2. random intervention
3. obscure fact
4. building relationships

www.davegorman.com

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Home Tuition
opposite: 
Divorce Lawyer
0
No votes yet
 

Door handle

To open a door.

The opposite function is to close a door, which is also performed by a door handle. Therefore, this is a prime opposite.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Door handle
0
No votes yet
 

Blizzard

A blizzard is a shapeless collection floating gasses that spews cold, solid water down from the sky.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Volcano
3
Average: 3 (1 vote)
 

Bald Head

Something that aspirational men don't want before the age of 30 because it stops them getting girlfriends.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Porsche
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

Theatre

A place that you pay to visit in search of culture and enjoyment.

0
No votes yet
 

Monkey Bars

A tiring an inconvenient means of traveling across short distances, especially when combined with vertical movement (e.g. diagonal monkey bars).

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Stairs
4.5
Average: 4.5 (2 votes)
 

Eye Patch

A cloth patch often worn in front of a lost or injured eye,

4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Expenses

Money received as re-reimbursement of legitimate business activity.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Bribe
0
No votes yet
 

Novel

To provide an interesting narrative for the reader.

The opposite therefore is something that provides a uninteresting narrative for the reader, which is a novel that is bad. Therefore, a novel is a prime opposite.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Novel
0
No votes yet
 

Paper

To record information in a cheap and impermanent form upon a limited writing surface.

0
No votes yet
 

Aardvark

To burrow out and eat ants & termites

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ant Farmer
0
No votes yet
 

Pyjamas

Clothes worn at bedtime to stop visitors seeing your naked when you wander around the house.

I'm not sure what other purpose they serve.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Crotchless Underwear
0
No votes yet
 

Vampire Depressant tablets

Stop people seeing their reflection so that their perception of their looks diminishes.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Mirror
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Reptile

Something with scales that scares small children.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Sweet Shop
0
No votes yet
 

Shredder

To destroy information written upon sheets of paper and aggravate tie-wearers.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Paper
0
No votes yet
 

creativity

0
No votes yet
 

Tooth Extraction

Medical procedure where a tooth is removed from the mouth, usually due to irreparable damage caused by stupidity such as eating too much sugar and not keeping adequate standards of dental hygiene.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Medal
0
No votes yet
 

Zyzzyva

A tropical American weevil known to be destructive to plants.

And also the last animal in the alphabet.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Aardvark
0
No votes yet
 

Heavy Cold

An infection of the chest, nose and throat, causing an increase in mucus in the affected areas. Symptoms: whinging, lack of taste, smell and ability to register humour. Also renders the infectee repulsive on close inspection.

0
No votes yet
 

grass

0
No votes yet
 

Book

To provide a written representation of something.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Braille
opposite: 
Picture
opposite: 
Smellovision
opposite: 
Song
opposite: 
Tonguedio
0
No votes yet
 

Hyperdermic Needle

To insert fulids. Thus the opposite would be to extract fulids namly from a person therefore the only logical opposite is indeed its self! another fine prime brought to by the creative bubble that is The Dr William J Baker institue.

0
No votes yet
 

Mug

To hold liquid

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Bladder
0
No votes yet
 

Dog

A pet that takes food off you.

As typified by the Bumpus Hounds in A Christmas Story

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Christmas_Story

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Chicken
0
No votes yet
 

Tomato

To taste and smell delicious, with a gratifying texture and thirst quenching consistency.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Heavy Cold
0
No votes yet
 

Tupperware

An inedible enclosure for liquid and solid foods that makes them inconvenient to eat.

The inconvenience is on the basis of having to fiddle around with little boxes (using big sausage fingers) to get at your lunch. Pointless.

Alternative purpose...

To keep food fresh.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Pie
0
No votes yet
 

Television

An electronic communication medium that allows the viewing of transmitted real-time visual static or moving images

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Eye Patch
0
No votes yet
 

Roller Skates

To make it impossible for people to balance or walk without a high degree of practice.

Once perfected, the Roller Skate enables people to glide along as though they were on wheels.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Friction Shoes
0
No votes yet
 

catpiss

urine produced by cats

Opposites identified
opposite: 
dogshit
0
No votes yet
 

Chauce Code Device

A communication device that makes it inconvenient to communicate by completely interrupting what you're currently doing.

The device has 2 large iron wheels. The left wheel is for vowels and the right wheel is for consonants.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Mobile Phone
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Hair Varnish

To preserve the colour of a person's hair by 'locking in' the colour using a transparent sealant.

Similar to nail varnish and yacht varnish, but for hair.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Hair Dye
3.5
Average: 3.5 (4 votes)
 

Ant Farmer

To breed ants

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Aardvark
opposite: 
Aardwolf
0
No votes yet
 

Table leg

supports a hard flat surface with the help of (usually) three others ..

Opposite of ARMCHAIR

Opposites identified
opposite: 
armchair
0
No votes yet
 

Business Card

A small convenient means of providing an associate with your contact details.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Business Placard
0
No votes yet
 

Morning

The daily anniversary of the start of another day.

It is generally not celebrated whatsoever and is met with much huffing and puffing, especially on weekdays.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Birthday
0
No votes yet
 

wallpaper

takes hours to paste on your wall to make it look nice

0
No votes yet
 

Drunk Drivers

To make it unsafe for people to walk on pavements at night.

Opposites identified