The Science of Opposites

The science of opposites where we aim to explore the opposite of every noun in the English language.

Nouns don't tend to have opposites - words like knife, pen, house, car and phone are somehow more complete when you find their logical partner.

Register and play your part in solving one of language's great mysteries. If we all do 1 noun each, we'll have this finished in no time.

About Opposites

Some people think the opposite of knife is fork but we don't subscribe to this view.

Just because something is spatially opposite at a dinner setting doesn't mean that its an opposite. The purpose of a knife is to cut. The opposite of knife is therefore glue.

To define the opposite of a noun, you first distill its function. Then, find the opposite function (since verbs tend to have opposites!).

Finally, find a noun that fulfills this function.

This is a relatively new branch of science and opposology laws are emerging at an alarming rate.

The purpose of this site is to allow people around the world to deposit nouns and work together to find their opposites.

All you need to do is register and you can help with our quest to find an opposite for every noun in the English language.

Life

A state of being. Getting on with things and doing stuff.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Facebook
0
No votes yet
 

China

System that is political, lacks freedom and openness

0
No votes yet
 

Reptile

Something with scales that scares small children.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Sweet Shop
0
No votes yet
 

Table leg

supports a hard flat surface with the help of (usually) three others ..

Opposite of ARMCHAIR

Opposites identified
opposite: 
armchair
0
No votes yet
 

Eye Patch

A cloth patch often worn in front of a lost or injured eye,

4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Toffee

A sticky sweet confection that can rip fillings from the teeth.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Angry Dentist
0
No votes yet
 

Human Body Filler

A substance used to fill holes in people's bodies.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Gun
0
No votes yet
 

Highlighter Snow

To keep an animal cold and make it stand out in poor visibility.

Highlighter Snow is like a Highlighter Pen but made from Snow. When animals roll in it (for whatever reason) or as it falls onto them, it makes them glow bright pink.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Fur
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

Beer Mat

To stop beer getting tables and bars wet.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Drinking Games
0
No votes yet
 

armchair

a comfortable piece of furniture for sitting in.

the opposite of this is a TABLE LEG

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Table leg
0
No votes yet
 

Friction Shoes

Footwear with high friction soles (e.g. with rubberised sandpaper suckers) that make the wearer's feet stick to the floor when walking.

Believed to have been invented for Charlie Chaplin to run around corners.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Roller Skates
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Gorilla

A large primate that may on occasions fling poo at enemies.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Nappy
0
No votes yet
 

Dave Gorman

To create enjoyment through humour based on:

1. travel
2. random intervention
3. obscure fact
4. building relationships

www.davegorman.com

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Home Tuition
opposite: 
Divorce Lawyer
0
No votes yet
 

Wallet

A holder made from material, to hold money and other means of payment. Usually masculine in style to distinguish from a purse. Usually flat and square and designed to be kept in a pocket.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Bank
0
No votes yet
 

Theatre

A place that you pay to visit in search of culture and enjoyment.

0
No votes yet
 

Ant Farmer

To breed ants

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Aardvark
opposite: 
Aardwolf
0
No votes yet
 

Autopsy

To see through human flesh in order to see the insides such as bones by cutting open the body.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
X-ray
0
No votes yet
 

Home Tuition

To oppress enjoyment through seriousness based on:

1. staying in a single location
2. order
3. general knowledge
4. loneliness.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Dave Gorman
0
No votes yet
 

Insect dungeon

A place to get stressed and tolerate nature inside your own house.

An insect dungeon is a small darkened room containing free roaming insects. A light occasionally flashes for upto 2 seconds to show occupants where the insects are.

It is also possible to have Snake, Bat, Wolf and Bear dungeons.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Garden
0
No votes yet
 

USB Memory Stick

Something small and convenient to store information on, thus keeping it safe and allowing it to be transported from place to place.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Elephant
0
No votes yet
 

Shovel

A tool designed to make or get rid of holes.

0
No votes yet
 

Zyzzyva

A tropical American weevil known to be destructive to plants.

And also the last animal in the alphabet.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Aardvark
0
No votes yet
 

Dog

A pet that takes food off you.

As typified by the Bumpus Hounds in A Christmas Story

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Christmas_Story

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Chicken
0
No votes yet
 

Highlighter Pen

To mark text or images in order to draw attention to them.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Tipp-Ex
0
No votes yet
 

Bladder

To remove liquid from one's body

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Mug
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Poo

A solid animal derivative that should not be eaten under any circumstances.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Gravy
0
No votes yet
 

Hair Dye

To change to colour of a person's hair.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Hair Varnish
0
No votes yet
 

Car

To move people from A to B by means of mechanical propulsion.

or, to move people back from B to A again.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Car
0
No votes yet
 

Chauce Code Device

A communication device that makes it inconvenient to communicate by completely interrupting what you're currently doing.

The device has 2 large iron wheels. The left wheel is for vowels and the right wheel is for consonants.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Mobile Phone
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Tie

A long piece of cloth worn around the neck to make one look smart.

0
No votes yet
 

Weather

Keep tourists away from the UK.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Queen Elizabeth II
0
No votes yet
 

Smellovision

To provide an odor-based representation of something.

Also spelt as smell-o-vision.

Marked as "Real" as a version of it did exist in 1960.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smell-O-Vision

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Book
opposite: 
Braille
opposite: 
Picture
opposite: 
Song
opposite: 
Tonguedio
0
No votes yet
 

Infamy

1. Evil fame or reputation.
2. The condition of being infamous.
3. An evil or criminal act that is publicly known.

0
No votes yet
 

Business Placard

A very large inconvenient way to provide associates with your contact details.

Business placards must, according to EU directives, be larger than 1.2m x 1.6m and have a wooden baton or handle extending no less than 1m from their shortest edge.

The minimum text size on a business placard is 7 cm high. The text must comprise, as a minimum:

1. Full name
2. Telephone number

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Business Card
0
No votes yet
 

Rubber Eraser

A solid for removing marks from paper.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ink
0
No votes yet
 

Divorce Lawyer

Create distress through seriousness base on:

1. Meetings
2. Strict procedure
3. Well know facts
4. Ending relationships

Credit to www.oppo-site.com/users/murdoch84

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Dave Gorman
0
No votes yet
 

Radiator

A heating device that radiates heat into the surrounding space.

3
Average: 3 (1 vote)
 

Compact Disc

A round thing for keeping some of your music on.

Kind of the opposite of a squar(ish) thing for keeping all your music on.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
iPod
0
No votes yet
 

Ladder

A device used for reaching to higher places, alternatively used for reaching lower places

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ladder
0
No votes yet
 

Leather Plates

An inedible cow based surface used to keep food on.

As opposed to an edible 'food' surface used to keep cows on.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
grass
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

Bribe

Money given as imbursement of illegitimate business activity.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Expenses
0
No votes yet
 

Ice Pants

To uncover your legs and make them cold.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Trousers
0
No votes yet
 

Toilette

Something you shit in.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Government
0
No votes yet
 

Catholic anarchist

To bring down the head of state of the UK and several other Commonwealth countries, as well as opposing the Church of England.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Queen Elizabeth II
0
No votes yet
 

Glue

To fasten pieces back together again.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Knife
0
No votes yet
 

Markerboard

A indefinitely usable writing surface. Its information is easily erased or distorted. It acts as a temporary reservoir.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Stone Tablet
0
No votes yet
 

Candle

To provide a portable source of light without using electricity.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Electric torch
0
No votes yet
 

April Fool's Day

For people to come together for a day, make jokes and be happy.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Remembrance Day
0
No votes yet
 

Linux

A system that is not political, is free and open

Opposites identified
opposite: 
China
0
No votes yet
 

Evaporation

Evaporation changes a liquid to a gas. It's what takes water up from the ocean and makes it usable as it rains back down upon us.

0
No votes yet
 

Sofa

A long, upholstered couch with a back and two arms or raised ends. Known as a place where people often lose money.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Bank
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
 

Birthday

To provide a annual anniversary that celebrates the passing of one's age.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Morning
0
No votes yet
 

Sledge Hammer

To break things apart in an opaque way.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Sellotape
0
No votes yet
 

Whisky

To ruin your chances of doing good presentations at work.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Powerpoint
0
No votes yet
 

Chewing Gum

To chew without swallowing for pleasure due to lasting flavour.

0
No votes yet
 

Door handle

To open a door.

The opposite function is to close a door, which is also performed by a door handle. Therefore, this is a prime opposite.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Door handle
0
No votes yet
 

Sweet Shop

Something with scales that makes small children happy.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Reptile
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Business Card

A small convenient means of providing an associate with your contact details.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Business Placard
0
No votes yet
 

Roller Skates

To make it impossible for people to balance or walk without a high degree of practice.

Once perfected, the Roller Skate enables people to glide along as though they were on wheels.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Friction Shoes
0
No votes yet
 

Radio

To disseminate audio information across long distances.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Sound vacuum machine
0
No votes yet
 

Diving Boots

Footwear that will inhibit sporting activities.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Trainers
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Novel

To provide an interesting narrative for the reader.

The opposite therefore is something that provides a uninteresting narrative for the reader, which is a novel that is bad. Therefore, a novel is a prime opposite.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Novel
0
No votes yet
 

Newspaper

To inform its readership of current affairs.

Or to misinform its readership of current affairs

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Newspaper
0
No votes yet
 

Time

Time makes things dirty. If you leave something alone, it will get dirty. If you use something, it will get dirty. If you clean something, etc., etc..

Opposites identified
opposite: 
soap
0
No votes yet
 

Gravy

A liquid made from animal stock used to make meat taste nicer.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Poo
0
No votes yet
 

Jammy Dodger

Delicious biscuit with a jammy centre to enjoy with a cup of tea.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Salty Pogo-stick
0
No votes yet
 

Tent

To provide shelter from the outdoors.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Hurricane
0
No votes yet
 

Toilet

A modern fixture primarily intended for the hygienic disposal of the bodily waste.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Window
0
No votes yet
 

Tipp-Ex

To mark text or images in order to conceal them.

Assumes that the paper is the same colour as the tippex. If not, it raises the possibility of hallucinated 'chameleon Tipp-Ex'.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Highlighter Pen
0
No votes yet
 

Television

An electronic communication medium that allows the viewing of transmitted real-time visual static or moving images

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Eye Patch
0
No votes yet
 

Crotchless Underwear

A mystery to modern man, these undergarments provide neither covering nor support. They appear to be purely for intimate decoration.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Pyjamas
0
No votes yet
 

Birth

To produce life inside the womb.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Abortion
0
No votes yet
 

Easter Chicken Dentist

A solid chocolate chicken presented to children on Easter Sunday - used to fix their rotten teeth and discourage childhood obesity.

These medical chickens come in pairs (the partner is typically the Easter Chicken Dietitian).

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Easter Egg
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Medicine

Saves lives

Opposites identified
opposite: 
A-Bomb
0
No votes yet
 

Grapefruit Juice

A grape derivative that when consumed makes you feel instantly awake (albeit with jangling teeth and a bitter taste in your mouth).

P.S. I'm sure that Grapes and Grapefruit belong the the same family - hence the same 'surname'

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Wine
0
No votes yet
 

Online Trappist Monastery

A website that enables people to co-exist in silence and serenity.

Everybody logs on and then looks at a blank screen, allowing their pupils to dilate until they drift of onto another mental plane.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Twitter
0
No votes yet
 

abacus

an oblong frame with rows of wires or grooves along which beads are slid, used for calculating.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Base
0
No votes yet
 

Towel

Towels can be found in most homes and workspaces*, most commonly in bathroom and kitchen areas but are fond inhabitors of washing baskets.

A towel is a prime opposite because it gets wet as it dries.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Towel
0
No votes yet
 

Angry Dentist

A sour and bitter dental technician, quite what he is so bitter about is unclear.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Toffee
0
No votes yet
 

Monkey Bars

A tiring an inconvenient means of traveling across short distances, especially when combined with vertical movement (e.g. diagonal monkey bars).

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Stairs
4
Average: 4 (1 vote)
 

Ear Defenders

To stop people hearing things, essentially blocking out all sound.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ear Trumpet
0
No votes yet
 

Mobile Phone

A device to make it convenient to communicate without interrupting what you're currently doing by means of voice conversation or short text messages.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Chauce Code Device
0
No votes yet
 

Mobile Phone Charger

This is a prime noun. A charger fills a phone up with charge. But simultainiously when not charging a phone it is draining electricity. Thus not usefully dispersing energy but wasting.

0
No votes yet
 

Tour Guide

Provides a safe and orderly environment for visitors.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Hungry Lion
0
No votes yet
 

Door

To allow people into a room or house.

or, to prevent people getting into a room or house.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Door
0
No votes yet
 

catpiss

urine produced by cats

Opposites identified
opposite: 
dogshit
0
No votes yet
 

vase

0
No votes yet
 

King

One that is supreme or preeminent in a particular group, category, or sphere.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Village Idiot
3
Average: 3 (1 vote)
 

Spade

Used to dig a hole

0
No votes yet
 

Encyclopaedia Britannica

To provide information at a cost.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Wikipedia
0
No votes yet
 

Fox

To steal chickens.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Egg
0
No votes yet
 

Hair

To cover up your head and keep it warm.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Ice Hat
0
No votes yet
 

Thing

Something that can be given in exchange of money.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Money
0
No votes yet
 

Government

Something that shits on you.

0
No votes yet
 

Hurricane

To remove shelter from the indoors (e.g. by ripping your roof off)

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Tent
0
No votes yet
 

Volcano

A volcano is a large, solid formation of earth of typically conical shape which spews out hot, liquid rock from the center of the earth.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Blizzard
0
No votes yet
 

Claw Hammer

A claw hammer is a tool primarily used for pounding nails into, or extricating nails from, some other object.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Claw Hammer
0
No votes yet
 

Hair Varnish

To preserve the colour of a person's hair by 'locking in' the colour using a transparent sealant.

Similar to nail varnish and yacht varnish, but for hair.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Hair Dye
3.5
Average: 3.5 (4 votes)
 

Chicken

A pet that provides food.

Opposites identified
opposite: 
Dog
0
No votes yet